I got the kids in their rooms for their naps (OH MY GOD DID THEY NEED IT) and I was making a beeline for the couch so I could catch a few winks, too. I noticed a pile of cat puke (GODDAMN IT CATS), and regular me would have grabbed a paper towel and cleaned it up then gone right back to the couch.
Unfucking me got a paper towel, cleaned it up and noticed the garbage can was full and stinky, so I pulled it and actually took it outside to the big garbage. While I was out there I noticed the maple tree in the backyard had some extremely low branches from the storm the other day so I grabbed a pruner and cut the branches then dragged them to the curb for the chipper that comes to get them. Then on my way in through the back door I could see down to the basement and remembered I had laundry so I went down there and switched out a load. Coming back up I noticed the sink was full of dishes so I loaded the washer and started it.
NOW I can grab a quick nap and contemplate how I don’t even know who I am anymore.