Unfuck Your Habitat

You're better than your mess.

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So tonight was a Red Lobster kind-of-night. As in, place an order for pick-up, retrieve it, stuff my face full of seafood, and get crackin’ on my old apartment. The lease is up in 10 days, and there’s still quite a bit of stuff to do in there.

I felt ready to conquer some shit, like “UNFUCK ALL THE THINGS!!!”, but as Lady UnFuck herself has cautioned many a time, there lies the way of madness, exhaustion, and hair-ripping levels of frustration. So instead, I promised myself that I would do the bathroom and the bedroom, and a few other items here and there that caught my fancy, and that would be it.

Two 20/10s later and I had removed all effects from the bathroom, tossed a metric fuck-tonne of unnecessary products like cranberry hand lotion someone got me for Christmas three years ago, some Walmart brand imitation Dove soap that is pretty fuckin’ shitty and nowhere near as good as the real stuff, empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner, old medication bottles, etc., etc., etc. That shit went into a garbage bag and the stuff I did want went into boxes or bags or plastic containers.

Next, I unfucked my vanity table. Old makeup, hair styling items I never used, gummy nail polish, all of it went in the circular file. Good-bye! I then packed up my shoes, my bedclothes, my extra clothing I’d left behind, zipped up and rolled the sleeping bag, folded up the futon, and removed all items before wiping down the shelves. That took three 20/10s.

And I was done. I had accomplished my goal and I also had a little time left over to wrap the cords on my lamps and do a sink full of dishes. YES!

At the end of the night, I found myself doing some air-guitar to classic rock in celebration.  

You see, in the course of unfucking, I found $50, some savings bonds, and a few gift cards I’d forgotten about.

The moral of our story?  

Unfucking your habitat makes you rich.


True fact.


(If I am lucky enough to warrant a .gif, may I please have the one of Mrs. Doubtfire playing air guitar on a broom? I’ve always thought that one was awesome.  Thanks!)

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