Unfuck Your Habitat

I wouldn’t recommend it, since steam cleaners can tend to be a little finicky. You can run it with just hot water. It may not be quite as effective, but will still make a significant difference. They do also sell allergy-friendly carpet cleaner, so that might be worth a shot, too.

A) Sippy cups or drink in the kitchen from now on.

B) Mix a little lukewarm water, dish soap, and vinegar. Dab at the stain a few times, then use a clean cloth soaked in the solution and let it sit. Blot up with clear water. Repeat until stain goes away.

You can, but I don’t think you’ll need many.

Supplies needed: vacuum, extra bags (if your vacuum uses bags), trash bag, gloves, scissors, a can or two of carpet foam made for pet households (I would usually recommend Nature’s Miracle, but we’re doing a big area, and it’s expensive). If you can, renting a steam cleaner would be great, but it’s not totally necessary.

To start: Start at one wall and vacuum slowly along the entire length of the wall. On your next pass, overlap your first clean strip by a few inches or so. Continue this until your bag/canister seems to be close to full or until your strips aren’t getting as clean as the first one.

Then: Unplug the vacuum. Empty your canister or replace your bag. With gloves on, lay the vacuum down so you can see/access the bottom where the rollers are. Use your scissors to cut away tangled hair and such until your down to just roller/brushes again.

Then: Repeat the first two steps until you’ve covered the entire room. Then do a quick pass over the whole carpet again. This won’t take nearly as long as the first time.

Then: Either use your rented steam cleaner according to the directions, or cover the entire carpet with the carpet foam. If using foam, the directions will tell you to let it dry and them vacuum it up. Do that.

Good luck! Take before and afters, even if it’s only for you!

Depending on colorfastness, peroxide can help a lot, especially with the blood stains. A mild solution of dish detergent and water, worked into the carpet fibers with a toothbrush should start budging the stains, while the steamer will probably handle the rest.

For the sofa: saddle soap to clean, and leather restoring cream to bring it back to life a little. Both are pretty widely available.

For the carpet, rent a steam cleaner. As the carpet is drying, place clean rags over the heavily stained areas and put a little pressure on them (some kind of weight). The stain will likely wick its way back up the carpet fiber as it dries. Repeat the process. It may take a few times.

And honestly, cream-colored carpet should be banned. Who thought that was a good idea, ever?

Oh, jeez. Industrial fans? Kitty litter? Making maintenance come deal with it?