This morning, two detectives knocked on my door and asked to come in to ask me some questions.
For the record, it wasn’t about anything I’d done, but about something that had happened in the building last summer, that they were investigating, and they asked to come in so that the entire building wouldn’t hear what they were saying (sound in the courtyard echoes massively).
I didn’t want to let them in because my house was so disgusting, but I couldn’t really say no, because I absolutely want to help get the scumbag they were looking for.
When they left, I started cleaning, because there’s nothing like shame and judgment from total strangers to motivate cleaning, and now that one room is done, (after five or six rounds of 20/10’s) I feel like I can breathe more easily in here.
There’s no Before pictures, because I don’t want *anyone* seeing what my house was like. But have some after pictures.
I’ve been following the awesome Tumblr blog, Unfuck Your Habitat, for a loooong time. I even bought the app a while back but I hadn’t done anything about my room. I originally was putting off cleaning my room until my fall semester was over and then I just continued to put it off. My depression and anxiety didn’t help matters. It just kept feeling overwhelming. Well, today I started unfucking my room. I had my friend/roommate come into my room to keep my company while I cleaned and I started up the UfYR app which timed my 20/10’s (20 minutes cleaning and then a 10 minute break) and put in the first of the two movies we watched while I cleaned (We watched Howl’s Moving Castle and Tangled, in case anyone wants to know). I didn’t get nearly everything done but what I did get done makes it look a lot better and it makes me feel good too!
Pictures after the cut:
- Me: Ever?
- B: … we moved in? No, wait, it wasn’t even that clean then.
- Me: Like I said. Ever.
To refresh your memories, this is what I was left with last night:
After about an hour and a half (the majority of which was spent dusting off books and restacking them), the corner now looks like this:
After a break, during which I finished watching Supernatural Season 8, Episode 5, the dresser now looks like this:
The only things left to do now are:
- pull out the couch and clean under/behind it
- clean out the inside of the couch
- clean the corner right by the door
- re-clean under B’s desk (the kids seem to think that’s their personal dumping ground)
That’s it. I should have this room completely finished by TOMORROW!
Also: do you think we have enough books? >.>
(Edited because I finally realized I duplicated a pic up there. :-/ )
Daughter of mine, with the sharp eyes, pointed out that I had started, but not finished, tidying up nearly every room in the house. She’s right too. (of course she is, she’s 13, she’s always right, about everything, you just go ahead and ask her)
There’s possibly some deep psychological meaning to this, which if I wasn’t crosseyed from reading pedagogic philosophy and psych textbooks in preparation for classes that start next week, I would go and dig through those very same psych books and find out what it is.
Or it’s also entirely possible it’s an artefact of the whole memory thing. Out of sight, out of mind has rather a different meaning to me than most people (but I try to have fun with that, rather than let it get me down.)
But most likely it’s just a combination of being a) lazy and b) easily distr….ooh shiny!!
But it doesn’t matter! I am perfectly happy! Because the sum of things is: Every room (except the two small bedrooms upstairs) are looking substantially better, if not perfect. Since my usual aim is “perfection” and my usual reality is verging on getting myself on one of those tv shows where people come in and clean out your house for you, having a reality that is “hey, not perfect, but not too damn bad either” is a massive improvement. And having my target and my reality sort of in sync makes both actually feasible too!
So, just reminding myself of that. Publicly, because maybe someone else needs to be reminded too.
so, i’ve been following “unfuck your habitat” for a while now, attempting to incorporate the hints, tips, and no-nonsense encouragement into my life.
i have two challenges - firstly, i deal with chronic illness, and therefore lots of pain, fatigue, and mental fog. secondly, i have major mental/emotional resistance to cleaning. i am usually very black and white about everything in life. i have ocd, so if i can get past the anxiety i feel when cleaning, then i want it to be perfect in an unhealthy way. my habitat is either spotless or a massive cyclone-like mess.
i think i am making some progress. finding balance has always been a huge challenge in my life. i’ve always tended to marathon clean, but instead i’ve lately been trying to do ufyh’s 20/10’s (only i’ve modified them for my energy levels to be more like 15/15 or sometimes even 10/15).
the kitchen is now half-clean (but completely functional). i’ve been able to maintain it in this half-of-how-i-really-want-it state for about 3 weeks now, while also cleaning any new daily messes as they occur (kind of a big deal for me).
i realized that my kitchen habit is changing, and i feel okay about it. not so anxious about it. less resistant. and i am starting to feel comfortable with it’s mostly clean-looking state. (sometimes when things are too clean i get anxious. it pisses me off, but that’s the truth. but then, i am always anxious about the messiness, so since i’m anxious either way, i’d rather be clean, tidy and organized.)
so, thanks ufyh. mine is another life you are helping to change. :)
So, I’m a few days into what I’m choosing to call a vacation because it sounds nicer than unemployment, and I thought I should post an update on the unfucking process.
The rain FINALLY stopped today, which is good because I’m not sure I know how to build an ark. The break in the rain allowed me to do some post-storm outside unfucking. I swept all the leaves and debris off my front porch and stairs and checked on my plants to make sure they made it. I had to take it slow on the stairs though, because I’m on some new medication and it was making me dizzy.
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I have to admit, it was harder than I thought. Not physically - picking things up off the floor isn’t exactly strenuating. But emotionally and mentally. Actually digging into what I allowed my life to become - that was hard. A couple of times I had to just stop and cry. (The fact that B has decided to pull one of his disappearing acts during all this unfucking didn’t help any, but there wasn’t/isn’t a fucking thing I can do about that.) But after a couple of minutes of crying, I got stuck back into it.
The 15 year old came and helped me a little bit toward the end, and the cat decided to come keep us company as well.
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But after roughly 2 hours of working (I didn’t actually time myself with 20/10’s or 45/15’s, I just worked for a bit, stopped, then worked some more - maybe one day I’ll get into the habit of timing myself, but this was just day 1), this is what I have:
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Look! Floor! And that big stuffed bag is laundry - I don’t actually have anywhere to put it yet. The small bag against the wall (well ok, they’re the same sized bags but… you know what I mean, Vern?) is stuff I’m getting rid of. What you don’t see is the one huge bag of garbage I also got rid of, as well as a small box filled with B’s things I don’t even want to mention, that I had the 15 year old take straight out to the bins outside.
It’s not a lot of progress, but it IS progress. Tomorrow I shall tackle some more, working my way right towards the wardrobe. For now, I’m just happy that I managed to do something and you can actually TELL I did it.
(Originally written 18/05/02 at 7 p.m.)
